Help for the perfectionist . . . part one

“The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one.” Elbert Hubbard

Does a perfectionist need help?

In my work helping free performers from whatever barriers are getting in the way of their success, I have found being a perfectionist, whilst playing a major part in their development can often hinder them achieving their potential and perhaps more important, enjoying their life.

Many artists give countless joy to people as they play their music, sing, dance or act. The challenge for a number of them however, is to enjoy performing themselves. All those years of practise, honing their craft, making the most of their talent can be hijacked by the negative impact of perfectionism.

Self worth

This relentless drive to improve is one of the reasons why many performers excel at their chosen profession. However, the problem is that a perfectionist can believe that others value them because of what they accomplish, rather than who they are. So their self worth is almost entirely dependent on the approval of others. Thus, their well being is out of their hands. The fear of failing, making mistakes, not being good enough and constantly having to prove themselves, means that many perfectionists find they are climbing a ladder with no end.

If this sounds familiar, I would like to help you adopt a new approach by helping you becoming more accepting of yourself, more patient and have have an opportunity to enjoy practising and performing.

Missed opportunities

A little while ago I worked with a talented violinist who was about to audition for one of the country’s top orchestras. Over the years she had auditioned for a number of orchestras around the world and failed each time because nerves would sabotage her performance. Unable to focus and with her muscles tense, tight and shaking another opportunity would pass. Carol (not her real name) was a perfectionist, for her, making a mistake, even in practice was unacceptable.

Those previous bad experiences and the fear of it happening again were affecting her confidence and self belief.

Eliminating the fear

We used tapping to neutralise the underlying fear of failure and take the negative charge out of the memory of those past events. Feeling more relaxed and optimistic, we introduced the idea of her being more accepting of making mistakes and embracing the possibility of change.

Two days later she played well in her audition and was thrilled to be offered a position in the orchestra.

I am sure for some reading this it does take a leap of faith to believe that it is possible to erase negative emotion, let alone to be able to do it instantly. I am at times still amazed when I work with clients and witness the release of stress often in minutes.

Positive change

If you are a perfectionist I am sure you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and over time have tried to find a way to strike a balance. EFT is a remarkable tool for helping create positive change in your life. The constant results I achieve with performers reflect  this.

I would like to help you create an ideal learning environment which will enable you to:

  • Enjoy your success and achievements
  • Eliminate the need for self – depreciation
  • Reward yourself for your progress
  • Be open to the idea that you will be successful in your efforts to change
  • Learn to accept yourself for the way you are and forgive yourself for mistakes and failings

How to overcome the fear of failure

Perfectionism is often a habit developed from a young age that keeps you constantly alert to imperfections, failings and weaknesses in yourself and others . . . it doesn’t have to be that way!

“Those who understand that failure is inextricably linked with achievement are the ones who learn, grow and ultimately do well. Learn to fail or fail to learn.”  New York Times best selling author Tal Ben-Shahar from his book the Pursuit of Perfect

Tal found that his perfectionist tendency’s almost destroyed him. In this book he writes about how he has been able to find contentment and happiness and gives many practical examples of how we can be free of the grip of perfectionism.

I have also written a tapping script to help you increase your feelings of self-worth and value yourself for who you are and what you do. If you would like me to send you the script, just get in touch at

What do you think? What impact has chasing perfection has had on your life. Can you relate to the article?  What have been your experiences?  Let me know, I look forward to hearing from you.

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